Shut it you cheese danish!
by weasleygurl4
Summary: Total and complete mayhem and insanity... plain and simple
1. Revised! Funny funny shittake mushrooms!

Ok, here's the 411. I will be using the Harry Potter characters to be my friends... AHHHHHHHHH  
  
BAHAHAHA I have come to take over the word!! Starting with this loserly story! Screw being normal, we are going CAPTAIN INSANO SHEEP on everyone!!  
  
I will be Hermione (QUACK........)  
  
Laura will be Parvati (QUACK......) Stop it.....  
  
Sammy will be Lavender (QUACK.....)  
  
Jesse will be Pansy (QUACK.......)  
  
Rick will be Draco (QUACK......) that's getting annoying....  
  
Ryan will be Seamus (QUACK......)  
  
Cory will be Cho (QUACK.....)  
  
Ashley will be Ginny (QUACK.....) Seriously.....  
  
Nick will be Ron (QUACK.......)  
  
Rob will be Dean (QUACK......) Do I have to shoot you?!?!?!?!?  
  
Carl will be Harry (QUACK.......)  
  
Narrator- DUCKIE GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE DAMMIT!! YOU'RE NOT IN THIS UNTIL THE 75TH CHAPTER!!  
  
Duckie- Moooooooooooo!!!!!  
  
Ok!! I know this sounds very stupid but I promise it will be a hysterical story. About all the crappy trouble me and my friendz get into on a daily basis. So enjoy, be happy, don't flame me, ., and always eat your wheaties!!!  
  
***Yea like I ever believe that this would be a good story while it was boring city..... I can be so naïve at times. Oh well this is for real, it's been revised! The names are pointless, pretty much everything thing that was original in this first chapter is pointless as well. So I am doing this all over again, with my favorite add in, utter insanity, so here is it. The new revised first chapter of "Shut it you cheese Danish!" And remember, Sky's the limit baby!!!  
  
Story:  
  
Narrator- I've been tortured with breath mints so I have to play along with the new chapter. *looks at script* Ummm Roses are Red, Violets are violet, fudge is sweet, so here's some fudge! What the hell is this crap? *spits on script* I quit!! *makes crazy face* Try doing this without me you'll be SSSSOOOOOOOOORRRRRYYYYYYYY *Falls off cliff*  
  
Duckie- Quack Moo, Arf arf, meow, ribbet, squeek!  
  
**START**  
  
*50 Cent ring tone starts playing*  
  
Hermione- 'ello 'ello Dahling???  
  
Cho- Heyyyyyyyy, what are you doing thur?  
  
Hermione- HMMM let's think, maybe getting ready for the friggin tea party that you have unfortunately invited me too?!?!?!?  
  
Cho- Did you at least buy aqua muffins of doom??  
  
Hermione- Nope I purposely forgot to *laughs crazily* Help me pick out a shirt! Ewww this shirt is ugly; it is green and orange polka dot!  
  
Cho- I want u to where that one, I like ugliness!  
  
Hermione- You is not the boss of me you know, my one and only boss is the eggy that lives under my bed!!  
  
In the back round of Cho,  
  
Parvati- YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Hermione- *mumbles* I guess dumber and ugly showed up  
  
Cho- Wah?  
  
Hermione- I said I'll be there eventually and tell Parvati that the monsters of 1986 are coming to get her!  
  
Cho- *gasps* THEY ARE????? I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!!  
  
Hermione- I was joking you wacky job!  
  
Cho- *breaths deeply* I knew that...  
  
Hermione- Ok I'll see you soon... *in sing song voice* GOOODDD BYYYYYEEEE  
  
Hermione- OWWWW! *stubs toe on dresser* It's attacking me!! *shoots dresser with paintball gun* Take that you A-HOLE! Screw that Cho girl, I don't like this scary shirt ** *Throws shirt out the window and puts on blue shirt with waves on it* Now I can finally leave...  
  
Hermione looks up and she is standing on Cho's front lawn  
  
Hermione- How the bloody hell did I get hear?? I must be cursed!! *throws present at the door*  
  
Cho *opens door*- Why you throwing shit at my door? *poke the dent that the present made* what did you buy me?  
  
Hermione- a 20 pound bag of Spice Girls lollipops!  
  
Cho- Yum yum bubble gum!!  
  
Hermione- *squints at the lawn* Identify yourself you Star Trek wannabe!  
  
Ginny- I am the muffin man, who lives in Dahnart's lake! With some goose poo here, and the train tracks there, here's some dope, there's some beer, everywhere there's garbagair! I am the muffin man, who lives in Dahnart's lake, so watch me as I run!  
  
Cho- Hello Ginny, another song you want to send to BBmak?  
  
Ginny- Indeed! *throws confetti at Cho* Happy Birthday Ratty Joe!  
  
Hermione- *waves finger around in circles* Woohoo, Birthday rat...  
  
Cho- Awwwwww you are all so sweet!!  
  
Hermione- All??  
  
Cho- Yea, the people already here called me a Birthday Ratty Joe too!  
  
Hermione- Aren't they all little nuns of the east....  
  
Ginny- Nunny as a bucket of bolts!  
  
***Revised chapter is dun!! I hope you all enjoyed, cuz you know what, and for once I did enjoy it!! Wow *throws confetti in the air* YAY it's raining.... No school!!!! Anyway hope you like the new revised version better cuz I do!! The old one will no longer be seen so make sure to wave goodbye!! *waves* and remember.... Sky's the limit baby! 


	2. And you though I ended this story!

Lookie Lookie Lookie!! When did you ever think I would post a new chapter for this story?? Bahahaha I tricked everyone, but I decided to update! The plot for this has been totally changed. It is just going to be total and utter insanity now! Fun fun fun!! Ok enough yapping, here is the totally new 2nd chapter to "OH NO!"  
  
Cho, Hermione and Ginny decided then that they were going to sprint to the room instead of walking because Ginny was afraid that her secret boyfriend Dean was going say something about her to Harry, she was going out with Harry too. Of course Cho was pissed because she couldn't even get one man and Ginny had two.  
  
Ginny- I don't know what to do!! Dean has such pretty earlobes, but Harry has pink elephant named Joe!!  
  
Cho- You are such a ho you ho!!  
  
Ginny- You got beeeeeeeef??  
  
Hermione- Bologna or Salami? Cha cha!  
  
Cho and Ginny- *stare blankly*  
  
Hermione- It was supposed to be a funny joke.  
  
Cho and Ginny- *stare*  
  
Hermione- Oh screw it you cheese Danishes!!  
  
Harry runs in while wearing Ugg boots and a Sky blue Marc Jacobs coat  
  
Harry- I love cheese Danishes!!  
  
Ginny- Harry!!!! My lover boy!!!  
  
Harry- Darling Ginny!!! *runs over to Ginny and starts kissing her*  
  
Cho- You bitch!! I can't take your happy ass shit anymore!!! GRRRRRRRR... *starts turning yellow with polka dots and sunflowers start bursting out of her arms*  
  
Hermione- The Uglyful Cho Hup!!!! I can be your hero baby!!*starts skipping away while singing*  
  
Harry- No Cho don't do anything drastic... there are little children in the other room  
  
Ginny- Don't worry Harry baby I will save you! *starts going towards Cho*  
  
Cho- GRR GRR GRR GRRRR GRRRRRRRRR GRRRR!!!  
  
Ginny- Could you say that in Japanese??  
  
Cho- No  
  
Ginny- Oh ok, continue  
  
Cho- I don't wanna  
  
Ginny- Why? You are totally ruining the plot now  
  
Cho- There is no plot!! It's a story about nothing!!!  
  
Ginny- Stop yelling at me!! *points at Harry* It's the squid's fault!  
  
Dean- Calamari, where?? *looks at Ginny* Ginny my love, how art thou?!?!?!?!  
  
Ginny- UMMMMM  
  
Harry- WHAT??????????  
  
Hermione looks back in with a video camera and mumbles "Jerry Springer here I come!!"  
  
Dean- What do you mean what? Ginny is my girlfriend and secret lover  
  
Harry- But I am Ginny's secret lover! She even gave me a purple plastic flamingo!  
  
Dean- *gasps loudly* A PURPLE PLASTIC FLAMINGO!! You only gave me a rainbow scrunchy!! I can't believe you would cheat on me!! I hate you, you $5 hooker!!!! *sobs loudly*  
  
Seamus suddenly runs in  
  
Seamus- Ginny there you are!! I was looking for ya like a lost bunny rabbit!  
  
Dean- *still sobbing* Him.....Him........Him..... Too????????  
  
Cho- You slept with Seamus the Irish too?  
  
Ginny- *bangs her head on the desk*  
  
Hermione- This is pure gold!! Even Bronze!!  
  
Seamus- What is the meaning of all this hub bubble????  
  
Ginny- *bangs head on desk*  
  
Cho- Christ on a cracker! Stop doing that you monkey ape!  
  
Ginny- *woozily* let's get this party started!! Let's get this party started! Who wants to watch CNN and get a little craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy.... *tries to sit in a dog bowl* Hey Dumbledore stop moving the cauldron I want to make lasagna!  
  
Dumbledore comes in and tries to throws a N'SYNC CD at Ginny but miss by a lot and hits Cho the Uglyful Hup. Cho started to melt but began to imitate Michael Jackson, singing the same part of the same song over and over again  
  
Cho- THRILLER!! THRILLER! THRILLER!!  
  
Harry- Learn some more of the words you karaoke amateur!!  
  
Hermione *who is still taping*- Speak for yourself Mr. I-still-don't know- all-the-words-to-every-Backstreet-Boys-CD-even-though-I-constantly-say-I- do!  
  
Harry- You want to start something??  
  
Hermione- Sure!!! *Hits Harry over the head with her camera* and now it's ended!! I win!!!!  
  
Ginny- *still terrified from the flying CDs* No more flying CDs!! Especially N'SYNC!!  
  
Hermione- Ok your useless, and besides there aren't going to be anymore flying CDs!  
  
The window is slowly being opened and the entire Slytherin house comes inside the house with stacks of Cher CDs...  
  
Snape- Ready...  
  
All Slytherins put two CDs in each hand  
  
Snape- FIRE!!!!!  
  
***DUN DUN DUN!!!! I left ya hangin there...I know I'm terrible but I just had to watch American Idol, John Stevens got voted off!! Now it's just 4 girls and George Huff!! Anyway until I feel like typing another chapter this will do for now, hope you enjoy this one better that the first one!!!!*** 


	3. All those Weasleys have drug problems

CHAPTER THREE!!! WOOO WOOO WOOO!! THREE THREE THREE!!!!  
  
Holy shit take a chill pill, anyway third chapter is indeed ready to be posted!! I actually wrote the entire thing during school today! It was so fun because everyone kept giving me really funny ideas! People are so crazy!!1 Including me!!!!! bounces of the walls I just had an orange soda, but evidently it has no caffeine in it!! I'm just insane!!! Chapter three is ago go!!!!  
  
THREEEEEEEEEEE  
  
In a few short hours the Slytherins had completely ruined Cho's Uglyful house, going perfectly with her Uglyful face. The Cher CDs had melted all the silver platters and the good toilet seat!  
  
Cho-(_**cries)**_ my silver platters, why great Gods of reality shows??? WHY????  
  
Ginny- Lookie what I found over yonder! picks up a_** (glass plate Frisbee)**_ in a can! Wheeeeeeee! Catch Harry my love!! (_**throws plate)  
**_  
Harry- I'm not talking to you you Seamus and Dean Sleeper wither! (_**turns his back)  
  
**_Cho-NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! MY PLATE!!  
  
The plate flies through the air, apparently stuck in super slow mode. It flies................................

And flies........................... 

And flies.......................while everyone chews pineapple bubble gum and stares  
  
Cho- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Hermione- Shut up dammit!!  
  
_**CRASH!!!**_ The plate finally smashed into a gazillion pieces on the floor  
  
Cho- Look what U did U Mr. dumby head!!  
  
Hermione- What?!?! This isn't fan fiction numb nuts  
  
Seamus-(_**wearing a sombrero)**_ Si, por favor!  
  
Hermione- You are not Spanish! Get out of here you leprechaun!  
  
Seamus- Ay chee wah wah! (_**does the Mexican hat dance)**_  
  
Ginny- I wanna dance too!! (_**does the chicken dance)**_ Moooooooooooo, JA! (_**does crazy hand shake with herself)**_  
  
Dean- Are you feeling OK lovey dovey?  
  
Ginny- As lovely as a bus driver on weed....... I mean errrrr...... weed?  
  
Harry- She's totally lost it. Wait, she's my girlfriend! Now who is going to paint my toenails? **_(cries loudly)_**

Cho- Do you paint them pretty shades of pink?  
  
Harry- (_**stops crying)**_ Yes!! Especially magenta and salmon!  
  
Cho- Hurrah! Hurrah! It's all good in the hood, yo-yo!  
  
Ginny- I love yo-yo pizza! With a sprig of rosemary and a pint of play dough  
  
Hermione- SHUT UP!  
  
Ginny- _**(speaks Polish)**_  
  
Hermione- Stop it!!  
  
Ginny- (**_speaks German)_**  
  
Hermione- I'M WARNING YOU!  
  
Ginny- (_**speaks guacamole)**_  
  
Hermione- AHHHHHHH _**(kills Ginny but cutting her up into little pieces)**_  
  
Cho- Haha, the wicked witch of the northeastern hemisphere is deceased! Yay!  
  
Hermione- (_**picks up Ginny's left toe)  
**_  
Reader- Which left toe?  
  
All- (_**stares blankly)  
**_  
Author- The third left toe on the left foot! Now go away!  
  
Reader- You're not the boss of me!  
  
Hermione- Get out the story you peanut heads!  
  
Ginny- Yea you are ruining the beautiful musical!  
  
Hermione and Cho- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!  
  
Dean, Harry, and Mr. Ireland glued Ginny back together and now she oddly looked like Jennifer Lopez  
  
Ginny-** (_sings)_** don't be fooled by the chili that I got, I'm still, I'm still Bob around the corner! Used to have some chicken pot pie but now it's gone. No matter what color shirt I wear I know who I stole it from.... It's from Professor Klump!  
  
Hermione- BBmak would never like that song  
  
Ginny- Why? _**(does dance move)**_  
  
Hermione- Because it was you who sang it  
  
Ginny- Why? _**(does another dance move)**_  
  
Hermione- Because it's annoying!  
  
Ginny- Why? _**(does another dance move)  
**_  
Hermione- Because it sucked!!!!!  
  
Ginny- Why?? (_**does yet another dance move)**_  
  
Hermione- (_**throws 5th Harry Potter book at Ginny's head, all almost 900 pages of it)  
**_  
Ginny- _**(knocked out unconscious)**_  
  
Harry- Wow that was a big book. Why would anyone write that much about me? I feel so loved!! hugs self  
  
Cho- You are a sexy sexy beast!!  
  
Hermione- (_**coughs)**_ hardly....  
  
Irish man AKA Seamus and Dean-_** (laugh like loonies)**_  
  
Hermione- OK..........  
  
Irish man and Dean- (**_still laughing like loonies)  
_**  
Harry- (_**offended)**_ It was certainly not that funny!  
  
Irish man and Dean- (_**still still laughing like loonies)**_  
  
Hermione- Hey, wait a gosh darn second!! (_**pushes Dean over to discover that he's made of........)  
**_  
Ginny- Cardboard baby!! does yet another dance move  
  
Ron appears out of nowhere dressed as a Russian ice skater  
  
Ron- Cardboard is the way of life, dude  
  
Hermione- Ron darling are you high?  
  
Ron- Nooooo I am not! I'm just happy.... Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hermione- It must run in the Weasley family. Drug problems and the lack of singing talent  
  
Snape appears out of nowhere  
  
Snape- Pop Quiz my star pupils!! What kinds of waves are circular??  
  
Ginny- Slinky waves!! (_**giggles madly)**_ Slinky, Slinky, Slinky waves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ron- (_**sits on floor and starts meditating)**_ I lurve slinkies, especially ones with peace signs on it! In lovely multi colors of green, pink, orange...... (_**gets cut off)**_  
  
Hermione- (_**enraged)**_ NO ONE CARES!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone stops what they are doing and looks at Hermione  
  
Harry- You defiantly have some anger problems that you should take care of  
  
Irelands finest AKA Seamus- Maybe you should go to Garfield High School for some anger management classes!  
  
Ginny- Good idea, we need to watch out for each other!  
  
Hermione- AHHHHHHHHHH!!! (**_slams self in head with an R encyclopedia)  
_**  
Ginny- That girl defiantly has problems  
  
Dean- I know, poor girl. Hey let's dance!!  
  
All start dancing, then they all start singing... I'm too sexy for myself.......too sexy for my cat......... too sexy for the substitute teacher.......  
  
Chapter three is done done done!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I'm soooo excited cuz surprisingly I am starting to like this story a whole bunch!!! Power to randomness!! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and remember "Sky's the limit baby!"


	4. Best thing ever a Mary Sue dies!

Narrator- I have taken over this story!! waves hands all around It will now be about a Mary Sue..... me!! I have beautiful red hair, ocean blue eyes, a size 2 pants size, small feet, and I used to model back in America but then I got transferred to Hogwarts to kill Voldymort!! I also have telekinetic powers, a pure black cat named Jade and......  
  
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (_**takes out very pointy spike and IMPALES the narrator**_)Oh my friggin' God I could kill those stories.... EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!!!!!!  
  
Reader- Wait, what does Impale mean?  
  
Esh.... (_**whispers in reader's ear)**_

Reader- EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!  
  
_**(giggles madly)**_ Torture is funny...... I did a report on it in school, Haha I got an A bazillion!! Anyway, since I already killed my narrator I'm gunna have to introduce my own story. (_**sighs)**_ Ok so here comes the (_**counts on fingers)**_ fourth chapter! "Shut it you cheese Danish!" Is a story that has little reviews and even less of any sanity, oh well enjoy this cracker jack of a story and remember, "Sky's the limit Baby!"  
  
Anonymous voice- As we last left our heroes....  
  
All except for Hermione who is still unconscious from the encyclopedia - singing I'm too sexy for my butterbeer.... Too sexy for the bus driver.... Too sexy for an omelet....  
  
Anonymous voice- Errrrr... so as you can tell our heroes are prepared for a challenge that could appear at any time and..... Holy crap!!!!!! Screw that!!!!! I can take this anymore; these people are singing a bad 80's song for God sakes!! I quit!!! (_**tries to fly away on a cleansweep -500 but accidentally flies into a random Godzilla monster)**_  
  
Random Godzilla monster- (_**in French)**_ Aïe ce qui m'a juste frappé ?  
  
Anonymous voice- Yeah could you put me down?  
  
Random Godzilla monster- (_**still in French)**_ Je ne peux pas comprendre ce que vous dites !  
  
Anonymous voice- That's nice and all but could you put me down??  
  
Random Godzilla monster- (_**still still in French)**_ Je vous blesserai très mal si vous dites une autre chose pas dans français le !!!!!!!  
  
Anonymous voice- Like now????????????????  
  
The Random Godzilla monster squashes the anonymous voice with its size 8000 foot  
  
All- (_**cheer)  
**_  
Godzilla monster- (_**bows then runs to Mexico)  
**_  
Harry- What a beautiful monster that was! With scales and spikes so lovely and green and fruity!  
  
Dean- Fruity?? Don't ya mean leafy?  
  
Harry- No bitch, fruity!  
  
Dean- No that would be describing you!  
  
Harry- But I went out with Ginny, so therefore I am straight!  
  
Dean- That's crap.... Ginny could just as easily be a guy.... Look at her!  
  
Ginny- (_**shaving her beard)**_ I am not guy! I am a manly man! Watch me as I eat jars of mayonnaise with lemon dressing!!  
  
Cho- Lemon is so Century 21! It should be peach!  
  
Seamus- Like fuzzy navels!!  
  
Harry- (_**drools)**_ alcohol!!  
  
Ginny- Beer for me cuz I am manly! (_**flexes non existent muscles)  
**_  
Cho- I would like a white Russian because I am not a Russian but wish to be so I can make lovely macaroni art!  
  
Rob- I used to be Russian......  
  
Harry- (_**drools)**_ Food!  
  
Ron- (_**doing yoga)**_ Food is good for the soul man...... it sets your spirit free!! (_**waves at nothing)  
  
**_Harry- And it tastes deliciouso! (_**sticks out tongue)**_  
  
Seamus- Are you sticking your tongue out Hermione?? She can't even see you do that you nitwit!  
  
Hermione suddenly wakes up  
  
Hermione- Owwwww my head hurts.... (_**grabs a steak and puts it on her head)  
**_  
Ginny- Meat that I will eat!!  
  
Dean- That rhymed!! (_**grins dumbly)**_  
  
Hermione- Thank you for sharing you jerk face  
  
Harry- (**_pats Hermione on the head)_** sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the cardboard box!  
  
Hermione- (_**bites Harry's hand)  
**_  
Harry- Owwwwwwwww!! You ruined my manicure!!!!!! (_**sobs)**_  
  
Ginny- This is the story of a show.... Who got flooded and lost all its dough.... Now we live in a shoebox outside of a street corner store! This is a story of a show!  
  
Seamus, who decided to really drink some Irish beer- This is not a show... it is a... (_**looks up at the ceiling)  
**_  
Dean- Errrrr (_**snaps finger in front of Seamus's face)  
**_  
Hermione- You'd think since he's Irish he would be able to drink a lot more and still not get drunk  
  
Cho- Wise thinking my son.......  
  
Hermione- I'm not your son! (_**points at manly Ginny)**_ that's your son!  
  
Ginny- I am no ones son.... I am my own boss! (_**drinks glass of raw eggs)**_  
  
Hermione- EW......... I will never know why so many guys slept with you. Harry?  
  
Harry-_** (still sobbing)**_  
  
Hermione- Harry???  
  
Harry- (_**still still sobbing)**_  
  
Hermione- HARRY!?!?!?! (_**slaps Harry in the face)**_  
  
Harry-_** (blinks)**_ what?  
  
Hermione- Why did you sleep with Ginny?  
  
Harry- What are you talking about? I would never sleep with that thing  
  
Hermione- You never did?  
  
Cho- Are you kidding me you big onion??? You never slept with Harry Potter???  
  
Ginny- Yes I did! (_**flexes)**_  
  
Harry- No we did not!! You told me you have never slept with anyone!  
  
All- (_**gasps)**_  
  
Ginny- (_**looking quite nervous)**_ Yes I did! I slept with Dean!  
  
Dean- Uh sorry no you didn't, yet another lie!!  
  
Ginny- Oh yea of course, I slept with Seamus!  
  
Seamus- (_**slurred) **_Even drunky drunk drunk I have never slept with a Ginny before in muh livesh!  
  
Ginny- (_**bangs head against wall)**_  
  
Hermione- Here let me help!! (_**throws 'Hogwarts, A History' at Ginny)**_  
  
Cho- I would like a wack at that piece of corn! (_**throws broccoli at Ginny)**_  
  
Ginny- It burns my manly skin!! Manly men do not eat vegetables... we eat meat!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
All- (_**giggle)**_  
  
Dean- I want to play!! (_**throws asparagus at Ginny)  
**_  
Ginny- AHHHHHH (_**skin starts burning)**_  
  
All- (_**giggle)**_  
  
Ron- But she is my sister....  
  
Hermione- Wake up jackass, if anything you have another brother!!  
  
Ron- Hmmm.... Good point!! (_**throws lettuce at Ginny)**_  
  
All- (_**giggle madly)  
**_  
Seamus- (_**Slurred with a Russian accent)**_ I vould like a throw vat Ginny vace!! tries to throw a banana at Ginny but misses and hits Harry  
  
Harry- Owwwww!!!!!! (_**cries)**_  
  
Seamus- (_**still with the accent**_)Vhoops!  
  
Cho- You could have at least hit that man with your vegetable!!  
  
Hermione- (_**raged)**_ A BANANA IS NOT A GREEN VEGETABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
--------------------------All motion and sound stop------------------------- -----------------  
  
Dammit what happened??? Duckie did you break the frickin' laptop again?? If you did I'm going to have to shove you in an oven and set your duck ass on high!  
  
Duckie- Moo quack arf arf arf meow squeak!!  
  
Not a good enough excuse Duckie!!!! (_**puts Duckie in the oven but doesn't turn it on)**_  
  
See I'm not that cruel!! I'll let Duckie suffer for a few minutes. Since there are some technical difficulties, but the next chapter will probably be in a couple days. If Duckie ever fixes the damn laptop!!!!! Until next time and remember, "Sky's the limit baby!!"


	5. Harry's sexuality revealed!

Duckie- Cheep cheep????

**_(Looking inside the oven)_** Shut up Duckie! Sure you finally fixed the laptop, but I heard from my sources that you were badmouthing me!

Duckie- Bork! Bork! Bork!

Likely story..... Wait, what the hell goes Bork, bork, bork???????

Duckie- Errrrrrrrr..........

Now look what you did!! You ruined the plot!! You're only supposed to make animal noises!! Now no one is going to read the story! **_(Cries)_**

Duckie- Baaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Yes people do read the story!

Duckie- Kakaw! Kakaw!

Yes, other people besides me! You know what.... Screw you! **_(Puts chair in front of the oven) _**You're in time out Mr.!! Anyway, since the old narrator unfortunately died, **_(Duckie coughs loudly) _**I will have to introduce my story! **_(Duckie mumbles something) _**I heard that! **_(Points accusingly at the oven) _**You have no part in this story until you change your attitude! And for all you nice people out there reading this, here is the fifth installation of..... "Shut it you Cheese Danish!!!!"

Chapter 5......... yo yo yo!!

**(LAST TIME IN THE STORY)**

Hermione- A BANANA IS NOT A GREEN VEGETABLE!!!

Cho- Do not joke like that Long Duk Dong!

Rest of em- **_(Look confused)_**

Hermione- Are you kidding me???? What are you, a bunch of idiots??

Rest of em- **_(Raise their hands and nod)_**

Ginny **_(still acting manly but at the same time all melted) _**- Why must you yell at us like a coach would do to one on a Quidditch team from Hungary??

Seamus **_(still still still still drunk and still sporting the Russian accent) _**– Yesh, it vurts our feelvings, und I am hungry also!!

Hermione- **_(throws book at Seamus) _**what the hell do you know? Your stupidity is ridiculous!

Harry- A Boggart, where????? It will turn into a bad hair day!! Hide me!! **_(Hides behind manly Ginny) _**

Ginny- What is this?? Do you still love me??

Harry- **_(terrified) _**Ummm, yes?

Ginny- **_(grins widely and flexes) _**

Hermione- Oh Merlin......

Ginny then takes Harry and drags him out of the room, but not before Harry screams and tries to run away. Manly Ginny is just too damn strong though, she drags him right along with ease.

Seamus- **_(yelling and suddenly deciding to lose the Russian accent) _**where are you going?!?!?!?!??! Take me with you!! I need more **_(stammers)_** Alco.....Alco..... Beer!!!!

Dean- Where are they prancing away to? Are they going to have a milk drinking contest?

Cho- No! They are going to knit scarves for Flitwick out of silver and green yarn since Flitwick is in Gryffindor!

Ron- **_(snaps finger and throw peace sign pieces of confetti) _**Groovy!

Hermione- Oh please, even though you are all morons, it's still extremely obvious

Rest of em- **_(stare blankly)_**

Hermione- Well... Harry and Ginny supposedly went out and quote "Did it" right?

Rest of em- **_(nod)_**

Hermione- Harry denies that it ever happened in the first place, so we, or at least me, thought he was gay. That and the crying over a manicure, fears of a bad hair day, and the salmon colored toenails. But to see Harry screaming bloody murder when Ginny dragged him out of the room was enough evidence for anyone. Although Ginny now acts like a man she is still a girl no matter what. So.................

Dean- Sew Buttons!!!!

Rest of em- **_(claps)_**

Hermione- No!! Soooo........ Since Harry screamed when a girl tried to take him away and he greatly refused, that must mean he is no longer a heterosexual!

Rest of em-**_ (look confused) _**

Hermione- Ok let me put it in simply terms, Harry is gay!

Rest of em –**_ (gasps and throws bottles of shampoo at the window)_**

Cho- Oh horror is me! How can this be? I loved Harry for so long from afar and now he will never love me back! Why, oh why, God of fish sticks!?!?!?!

Seamus- Maybe it is because you smell like stinky wheaty froggys with Sunflower oil!

Ron- Or maybe it is because your Karma is all bent out of shape man!

Dean- Killer!

Seamus- Indeed!

Cho- That's right Kenny Blankenship! And here comes Adolf Babaganoosh!

Hermione- Give me a break.......

Ron- I want to play man! **_(Puts on a peanut suit)_** Where are those little rocks of glory and cheese that I must run on to win the prize of the Great Bambini Magellan!

Dean- Here, use these! **_(Throws books on the floor)_**

Hermione- WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!?!?!?!?!

Dean- **_(falls over in utter and complete fear)_**

Cho- Being silly silly goosey people from MXC!

At that moment, Harry and Ginny come back into the room

Dean- **_(from the floor) _**and what were yoooooooouuuuuuu doing?****

Ginny- **_(giggles in a manly way) _**we'll never tell.....

Harry- **_(sniffs)_**

Hermione- No seriously, well no one takes me seriously, but what were you two doing? And please don't say what I think it was.

Dean- What do yooooooouuuuuuu think it was???

Hermione- Ahem..... **_(Looks at the ground)_**

Ginny- Maybe.... **_(Giggles again)_**

Harry- _**(sniffs and wipes his eyes with a hank**y**)**_

Ginny- **_(punches Harry in the arm) _**Right Harry?

Harry- **_(silently nods his head) _**

Ginny- That's my bran muffin! Well if you excuse me I need to go use the little boys' room! I will be back my little Conan O'Brian!

Rest of em- Errrrrrrrr......

Ginny gallops out of them room singing "Dope Show" As soon as she/he leaves, Harry starts sobbing

Hermione- Why are you crying Mr. I-am-back-with-manly-Ginny?

Harry- Help me!!!

Cho- **_(still pissed) _**what do need help with? You're going to be happy with Ginny face forever! **_(Starts to sob too)_**

Hermione- That was like the only normal thing you have said through out the entire story! Bravo! **_(Claps)_**

Harry- **_(sobs louder)_**

Seamus- Not so loud!! AHHHHH hangover city!! No more yanky my wanky! Seamus need food!

Hermione- **_(throws a bunch of bananas at Seamus) _**There's your green vegetable right??

Reader- You're still mad about that?

Hermione- Shut up you! Just read the story, you stupid M!#$%( F&#%!#$ C%$# S%(#

Reader- Whoa........

Rest of em- **_(jaws on the floor) _**

Cho- What a colorful vocabulary!

Ron- In way cool shades of earthy green and brown!

Seamus- **_(snore)_**

Dean- Professor Snape would be proud! With his Gucci purse and hundreds of dirty history textbooks!

Hermione- **_(breathing deeply and calming down) _**Wow that felt good! All my anger from your stupidity finally came out! I am now content among myself like a free little daisy!

Harry- **_(starts sobbing again)_** Please help me.......

Hermione- **_(sighs)_** Ok Harry, what do you need help with?

Harry- Please keep Ginny away from me!!!!!!!!!

Cho- **_(suddenly interested) _**but I thought your lurved her like fat kid loves cake!

50 Cent comes in

50- Yo yo I got copyright on that! Stop trying to steal muh stuff! **_(Tries to shoot Cho)_**

Cho- Awwwwww you want to dance?? Let's dance then my lovely!!! **_(Grabs 50's hands and starts doing the Cotton Eye Joe dance)_**

Dean and Ron- **_(trying to clap to the beat but are failing miserably)_**

50- Ahhhhhhhh you's a crazy Mofo!! I'm outta here yo! **_(Runs out)_**

Hermione- Well that was a little, err, odd..... Now Harry please explain why you want us to keep Ginny away from you when it seems that you love her again?

Harry- **_(sniffs loudly)_** Well... first of all she tried to kiss me while we were in that one room. She is so disgustingly gross there was no way I could possibly kiss her, and the fact that she now acts like a man! I don't kiss men!

All- WHAT?!?!?!?!!?!

Harry- Well duh I'm not gay... I'm just a metrosexual!

Hermione- Well now that makes sense!

Harry- What? You all thought I was gay?

Rest of em- **_(points at Hermione)_**

Hermione- I made a mistake! Everyone makes mistakes! Hey wait, you said that was number one. So what is the real reason that you want Ginny kept away from you?

Harry- **_(His eyes start getting watery again) _**She... she......

Dean- Spit it out ya jack-in-the-box!

Harry- She made me eat meat!!!!!!!!!!!

Cho- So????

Harry- I'M A VEGETARIAN!! **_(Starts sobbing again)_**

All- **_(gasp loudly) _**

Ron- That's heavy man, no vegetarian should ever have to eat a fellow living being...... Like freaky deaky Carneys

Harry_-**(sniffs) **_Thanks man that means a lot; I just can't stand being around her. She's just so.....

At that exact moment Ginny walks in, with toilet paper stuck to his/her shoe

Ginny- What is this you say you stupid little jellyfish with a little wiener????

All- **_(look at each other, confused) _**

Harry- I was saying, Miss Ginny that I can't stand the fact that you act like a man and that you smell horrific! And you look just as horrific for that matter!!!

Ginny- I am a man!! I am!!!!!

Harry- No you are not!! You are an ugly woman and an ugly man! You're as ugly as they come!!!!!! And you....... Have no agility!!!

Ginny- We will see about that you defective toy!

A boxing ring suddenly shoots out from the ground. There is a rather large table on the one side of the ring. It has odd items, such as fake nails, a large cooler with God knows what in it, and several eye liners. The "Rest of Em" is sitting on bleachers that also came out of the ground. Hermione and Duckie are sitting in a booth higher than the bleachers. The "Rest of Em" are eating cut up pieces of pickle and kiwi with peanut butter glaze.

**(EVERYTHING STOPS YET AGAIN)**

How the hell did you get out the oven Duckie?? I put a damn chair in front of it!

Duckie- Tweet Tweet Tweet!!

Ok maybe it was a little harsh to keep you in the oven for so long, but you were bad mouthing me, and you went OOC!!

Duckie- Come on! The readers have no way of understanding what I say unless you answer me!

Well I can't argue with that kind of logic..... Ok you can drop the animal talk!

Duckie- Hurrah I am not fired!!! And I don't have to sit in that oven anymore!

I would say that.... **_(Takes Duckie and puts him back in the oven, with the chair in front of it) _**

Duckie- I thought we were cool!!

I thought so too, but then I remembered that you were badmouthing me and calling me inappropriate names! Inside the oven you will stay, you haven't finished your time out yet!!

Duckie- This is animal cruelty! I'm calling P.E.T.A on you!!!!

You're bluffing!! Like in Texas hold em poker on TV **_(sighs) _**with Seth Myers!!!!!! But just to be sure **_(puts another chair in front of the oven) _**Now be quiet Duckie!! Until the laptop gets fixed yet again the chapter will unfortunately have to end for now, until next time.... And remember, "Sky's the limit baby!!"


	6. It's raining cabbages!

Back I am Mon!! Woot Woot and all that crappernoodles! Duckie is here too! Say hi Duckie!

Duckie- **_(still in the oven) _**hi....

Yea luckily Duckie didn't call P.E.T.A on me. He has no access to a phone! Ahahahaha!

Duckie- But you need me for this chapter!

How so? You fixed the laptop already!

Duckie- Don't you remember what you wrote in the last chapter? It said, "Duckie and Hermione sitting in the talking box section."

I didn't write that talking box part, I would have remembered that!

Duckie- Well it sounded like that!

Whatevah, I don't have time for this! **_(Lets Duckie out of the oven)_**

Duckie- Hurrah Freedom!!!!

No now you really do have to help me with this chapter!

Duckie- **_(sulks)_** Fine!!

Haha you're a mad duck! **_(Laughs) _**Anyway, now I will finally get to introduce this lovely story that I like to call my own! **_(Duckie coughs loudly) _**The long awaited chapter is finally here, of "Shut it you cheese Danish!" Enjoy and remember "Sky's the limit baby!"

New New Narrator- I can't believe that chicken patty of an agent put me up to this.... The last two narrators have died doing this!

Author- Don't be a smart ass then!

New New Narrator- Fine! Ahem, as we last left our heroes! Umm what's my line? **_(A large cue card is thrown at the new new narrator) _**Owwwww you don't need to be mean about it!

Author- Shut up and read the damn cue card!

New New Narrator- Sheesh ok ok! **_(Takes out reading glasses even though the cue card is larger than a big screen TV) _**Ahem 'A boxing ring suddenly shot out from the ground. There is a rather large table on the one side of the ring. It has odd items, such as fake nails, a large cooler with God knows what in it, and several eye liners. The "Rest of Em" are sitting on bleachers that also came out of the ground. Hermione and Duckie are sitting in a booth higher than the bleachers. The "Rest of Em" are eating cut up pieces of pickle and kiwi with peanut butter glaze.' Hey I didn't die!!!

Author- Do not get cocky!!!

START

Seamus- **_(now with a Jamaican accent) _**Hey Mon! Why that Duckie be getting to sit up in that box there?

Duckie- QUIET MORTAL! I am the special King Duckus Randolph Wacca Wacca the 57000th!! But everyone calls me Duckie!

Rest of em- Greetings King Wacca Wacca

Duckie- Hello crazy people! **_(All wave at Duckie) _**We have quite a match for all of you today! Isn't that right Hermy-own!

Hermione- You said my name wrong you vacuum cleaner! Anyway that is indeed correct, this match should be interesting. Let's go down to the ring where our special guest referee, Mills Lane, is read to begin!

Mills Lane- Thank you very much Herm-me-owny!

Hermione- Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Duckie- **_(laughs)_** in the blue corner, at 5'3 and 110 pounds but still gaining, eats disgusting things, the newest of men, Ginny Weasley!

Ginny- No my name is now Gin!! **_(Flexes)_**

Duckie- **_(sighs) _**Fine..... Gin Weasley!

No one cheers

Duckie- Ooooookkkkkk.... And in the red corner, at 6'1 and 190 pounds but still losing, manicured and pedicured, styled to perfection, Harry Potter!

Rest of em who are consisting of 4 people, Cho, Seamus, Dean and Ron, cheer

Mills Lane- SHUT UP!

Rest of em- **_(quiet)_**

Mills Lane- That's better. I want a good clean fight! Weapons can be used but they must be approved by me! **_(Does Mills Lane hand thing) _**Get it on!

Cho- **_(runs and hits the bell) _**Ding Ding!!!

Ginny ran to his/her corner and pulled out of the cooler.... A six pack of beers!!

Ginny- This is for you Dinky Magoo! **_(Chugs a can of beer, smushs it on his/her forehead and flings it at Harry)_**

Harry- **_(gets hit right in the forehead) _**Owwwww that hurt!

Ginny continues chugging the beers and flinging the smushed cans at Harry

Harry- Oww Oww Oww!! **_(Runs to his corner)_** Now it's your turn you big oaf! **_(Takes out pointy eye liner pencils) _**Eat makeup bitch!!!!!! **_(Throws pencils at Ginny)_**

Four of the pencils thrown get stuck in Ginny's so-called manly arm, deflating it

Ginny- Ahhhhhhhh my manly arms! Now you will pay!! **_(Picks up cooler and throws it at Harry but misses)_**

All- **_(gasp)_**

Hermione- I figured she/he was just faking being all strong.... Didn't you guys think so?

Cho-**_(still hitting the bell) _**Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding........

Dean and Ron- **_(playing rock, paper, scissors)_**

Seamus- **_(staring into nowhere but then snaps out of it) _**Hey Gin Mon can I have some of that beer??? Yum yum..... Beer please!

Ginny- **_(throws the cooler at Seamus)_**

Harry- Hey he didn't do anything!

Ginny- He wanted my manly beer! How would I gain any weight?

Harry- **_(thinks then grins) _**yea here's the thing, I think you should..... Go on a diet!!!!!!!!

Ginny-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Harry- Yes Yes!! Like Weight Watchers! **_(Throws Points Finder at Ginny)_**

Ginny- Ahhhhhhhh **_(Points Finder hits Ginny's arm, burning a hole in it)_**

Harry- And the Cabbage Diet!!!! **_(Throws cabbages at Ginny)_**

Ginny- GREEN VEGETABLES!!!!!!!! **_(Runs in circles while getting hit with cabbages)_**

Cho- **_(stops ringing the bell) _**I want to play!! **_(Starts throwing cabbages at Ginny)_**

Ron- I want to try too! **_(Starts throwing cabbages)_**

Dean- So as I would like! **_(Throws cabbages) _**

Seamus- **_(unconscious)_**

Hermione- What a match this has become!

Duckie- That's right Hermioneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, it seems that Ginny is melting from all the diet associated things!

Ginny- Stop throwing cabbages you gay homosexual!!

Harry- **_(stops dead in his tracks) _**WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!?!?!?!

Ginny- You heard me! You are a gay..... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Harry- **_(throwing Lean Cuisine meals at Ginny) _**you deserve this you bastard!!

Ginny- Blub Blub... Is this legal???

All look at Mills Lane

Mills Lane- **_(gives thumbs up) _**I'll allow it!!!

Ginny- Nooooo...... Blub Blub **_(melted)_**

Mills Lane- **_(holds up Harry's arm) _**and the winner is.....Harry Potter!!

Rest of em- **_(still throwing cabbages)_**

Duckie- And there you have it! Ginny melted, Harry is the winner and it is raining cabbages!! Not too shabby!

Hermione- I hate cabbage, it tastes gross!

Duckie- Me too Herm-own-ninny... me too

Rest of em- SALUATIONS!!!!

Mills Lane- **_(whacks self in the head) _**I'm outta here! **_(Runs out the door) _**

Harry- Hey who saw the new Eminem video?

Rest of em- We did! Hahahahaha!!

Harry- Wow you people can't sing!

Cho- Why thank you Harry face!

Dean- **_(stands on Seamus) _**should we try und' wake lil' Irish Mon?

Hermione- No he'll just want more beer.... damn leprechaun

Dean- Whatevah!! **_(Dances on Seamus)_**

Cho-You're gunna smooooosh him!

Dean- **_(stops dancing) _**so?????

Ron- Good answer dude!

All- **_(agree)_**

Seamus- **_(wakes up and sends Dean flying through the wall) _**WHY NOT, TAKE A CRAZY CHANCE???? WHYYYYYY NOT, DO A CRAZY DANCE!?!?!?!?!!?!?

Dean- **_(from inside the wall) _**Already did it!

Hermione- Hilary Duff!!! RUN!!!!!!!!

All- Argh!! **_(Skip away)_**

Harry- I like this song! **_(Does the Jitterbug)_**

Deep voice from nowhere- **_(in song voice)_** Jitterbug.......

All- WHOA!!

Dean- It's God!!!

Deep Voice- Jitterbug........

Duckie- It's from Zoolander!!

All- **_(bow)_**

Deep Voice- Jitterbug.......

Ron- Why does God keep saying 'Jitterbug'?

Deep Voice- Jitterbug.........

All- Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Hermione- Wait I know! Harry, stop dancing!

Harry- **_(still dancing)_**

Hermione- Harry, stop dancing!!!

Harry- **_(still dancing)_**

Hermione- Harry!! **_(Throws beefsteak at Harry knocking him over)_**

Harry- **_(on the floor) _**I think I broke a nail!! **_(Cries)_**

Deep Voice- Jitter..... **_(Dies)_**

Dean- Nooooo!! God come back!!

Hermione- That was not God! That was some random deep voice saying the same word over and over again

Dean- **_(cries)_**

Duckie- Well that was weird

Hermione- No one asked you! **_(Puts Duckie back in the oven)_**

Duckie- Not again!! This time I'm defiantly calling P.E.T.A on you!!

Hermione- Call the mod squad for all I care!!

Duckie- Eshhhhhhh.....

Dean- **_(still crying) _**Why Jitterbug God?? Why????

Seamus- Why is Jadakiss as hard as it gets?

Cho- Cuz he didn't get enough iron! Cha Cha!

Rest of em (now including Harry) - **_(laugh hysterically)_**

Hermione- That was not even remotely funny

Rest of em- **_(still laughing hysterically)_**

Duckie- Yea really.....

Rest of em- **_(still still laughing hysterically) _**

Seamus- **_(head blows up) _**

Rest of em- **_(laugh even harder)_**

Duckie- His head blew up..........AWESOME!!!

Hermione- Very Mysterious....

Rest of em- Mysteriouso!!!!!!!

Author- No Spanish!!!

Ron- Why?

Author- Because I don't pay attention during Spanish class! Now be quiet! **_(Makes Ron's mouth disappear) _**

Ron- **_(waves arms around frantically)_**

Dean- Hey Ron, don't say anything!!!!

Ron- **_(nothing)_**

All- **_(laugh)_**

Ron- **_(gives the middle finger)_**

All- **_(gasp)_** you gave the bad finger!!

Author- HE DID WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Ron- **_(falls on the ground)_**

Cho- He was bad!! Ahahahaha!! He cursed us all out with his finger! Like 16 peas in a pod!!

Dean- Pink and Indeeeego socks make great house warming gifts!!!!

Cho- Keep on track Helen you smell like liquor!!

Author-**_(sighs and makes Ron's house come back)_**

Ron- **_(sings) _**everybody misses my taco flavored kisses!!

Author- Haha South Park dialogue!! **_(Disappears) _**

Ron- Taco Taco!

Hermione- I don't like tacos either.....

Harry- They is bad for my skin!!!!

Ron- Screw you guys, I'm going home!! **_(Walks into a wall) _**beefcake.... BEEFCAKE!!!!!

All- **_(laugh)_**

Headless Seamus- **_(sings) _**If you wannabe my lover... you gotta get with my friends! Make it last forever..... Friendship never ends!!!

Hermione- **_(thinks) _**Wait that's not how it works!! Brain overload!!!

All- **_(dies)_**

AND that's all biotch!! Heehee just joking with ya! That's all for now my little cheese people, until next time, and remember, "Sky's the limit!!!"


End file.
